There is a phrase that I despise, said by people who do not have a special needs child. It goes like this, “God only gives special kids to special people.” To be fair, I know that people say that because, 1) they do not know what else to say, and 2) They heard it before and think they are paying you a complement.
I do not beleive that God is looking down from heaven and saying, “Who is special? Oh, that person is special and I am about to throw them for a loop.”
What I have found is that God gives these special children to ordinary people who are full of faults and short comings and then HE turns us ordinary people into extraordinary people.
I often wonder if I would be friends with the “old me,” the “pre-Mighty Z version of myself?” I hate to admit it, but I might not want to be friends with that person. I used get upset if my day didn’t end up the way I had planned, or if Lala would ruin a new dress with Koolaid, or if we didn’t get into that preschool that was where all the cool people’s children would go. I would even worry how we were perceived by the other new parents. To lay it out plainly, looking back at the old me, I see my flaws…I see the shallow and selfish me.
Yes I am well worn. I am stronger than I ever wanted to be. I have experiences that have been cutout of my heart and soul. I have learned to deal with a world that does not understand Mighty Z, and yes, many times, I have had to walk away from it all. I have tolerated pity and scorn from others. I have had well-meaning strangers come up and offer insane suggestions of home remedies that will cure Mighty Z. I have tolerated mothers of children without special needs complaining of chicken pox, being tired, or not being able to go out on a date with their husband that week. I have endured people saying that children like Mighty Z were broken.
I thought I was a hard worker, I thought I was anxious about my child. Now I see that I was nowhere near a hard worker as I am now. Nowhere near anxious as I am now. But for some reason, actually for a very good reason, I am happier now…lighter now. I am more joyful, more ready to give, and much more playful.
Through this extraordinary journeyI have found that both of my children have opened my narrowed eyes, loosened my tight grip, and softened my rocky heart. Lala and Mighty Z have taught me to let go of silly expectations and trivial worries.