I am only human, I read that somewhere lately and so many times I want to scream that out loud. I have been challenged and pushed beyond my limits time and time again .
Just when I feel like I can't take one more step down this very hard road I have to pick up Mighty Z and take another step. parenting is hard but with Mighty Z it takes things to another level of fatigue.
Even if I've gotten a good night's sleep, there is a level of emotional and physical tiredness that is always there, that simply comes from the weight of making sure Mighty Z makes it through another night Hospital and doctors visits and time spent researching and making my doctor read it adds it's own weights as well .
Sometimes the emotional toll of all of this is so difficult the peaks and valleys always turn on a dime just when you think you are going uphill you are sent for a downward dive without warning.
Don't get me wrong I've grown tremendously as a person, and developed a soft heart and empathy for others in a way I never would have imagined ,and both Mighty Z and La la( my other child) have emulated the growth in me.
But sometimes I wish to be the mom next door. Not to say that I don't get cranky, my kids drive me crazy, and sometimes I feel like a vacation to an insane asylum sounds fantastic (you get three hots and a cot and If your lucky you even get a nice padded cell).
But sometimes I just wish to go out to dinner with my husband I know that sounds silly but I feel like all the moms next door get to do that . I still have dreams and aspirations of my own. I sometimes feel those will never happen (WA AA I know!!) I want to travel with my family, I want to start a foundation, I want to get to go to functions...
Now that I have said all this you ask would I every change the fact that I had Mighty Z? Never!!!!! My life would hollow with out her just the way she is ventilator and all. But still sometimes I wish to be the mom next door just for a day.01