Friday, September 28, 2012


Many parents are faced with total strangers coming up and giving unsolicited advise about child rearing. Here is my story of wonderful strangers questions, and advice on having a baby on life support

Oh, hello, person I have never met before! I am so glad you ran up to me while I am here at the grocery store with my baby who is on life support machines. You did not scare me at all when you ran up to me and screamed, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR BABY??! And, I am super excited to answer all of your questions.

What is wrong with my baby, you ask? OMG, are not all infants trached and placed on life support?? Does she have asthma, you ask? Yes, indeed-y! Instead of those pocket-sized inhalers, medical technology has now advanced to the point that they trach asthmatics and place them on life-support machines. (Who needs clutter in their pockets or purse when surgery and 24-hour care is an option?! That's what I always say). You are so smart and intuitive! Do I feed my baby through the tube in her throat, you ask? Why, of course I do! I put mashed potatoes and bits of meat down this long tube connected to the tube in her throat. Why do I carry all this equipment?Well, I haven’t lost all the baby weight and I thought maybe if I just carried a bunch of machines around, I could burn some extra calories. And, why is she making that face that looks like she is crying,but you can't hear anything, you ask? Silly stranger! She is practicing to become a mime, of course.

And, thank you, kind stranger, for telling me about your gluten-free diet and favorite vitamins, and how they will completely cure my daughter’s disease. You are so insightful, and it is a relief to know that a simple diet change and some vitamin C will change her whole DNA makeup. What would I have ever done if you hadn’t run over to me in this store to tell me that? What is that long tube and brown stuff that is hanging from a bag? Is it a cocktail? Why, yes it is. Would you care for a drink?

I wish I could spend all day chatting with you, as clearly you are helpful, considerate, and respectful of others, as opposed to being some nosy monster who is about to get kicked in the neck by a woman with a suction canister. What?? No! Don’t walk away! Please! We were just getting started! I want to answer many more of your intellectual questions!!  

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  1. :) People are so bold! If only we could say what we really thought sometimes when we were approached by others. Sheesh!

  2. LMAO! OMG! This is hysterical! I get these same questions all the time...once, someone asked me if they took out Evan's tonsils! Yes, they have a new way of taking out tonsils, they have decided that poking a hole in your neck and putting in a breathing tube will prevent the tonsils from growing back! lol!

    I love how they can "relate" to you by stating that they have really bad allergies....OH NO! NOT REALLY BAD ALLERGIES!!! How do you live? You are a pillar of strength, we must errect a statue in your honor! Marble or limestone?